


Broken

by Leafontehwind



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Feels, M/M, are there ever not feels?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-10-14
Updated: 2012-10-14
Packaged: 2017-11-16 07:31:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,409
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/537026
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Leafontehwind/pseuds/Leafontehwind
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Set after book five. Remus comes home to his flat exhausted; and after getting lost in his thoughts he get s a visitor that is most unexpected.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Broken

"For in that sleep of death what dreams may come, when we have shuffled off this mortal coil, must give us pause …”  
-Hamlet

 

In a worn out movement, Remus sank down into the cushion of a tattered tan sofa; one of the select few pieces of furniture that occupied the sparse living room of his run-down London flat. His shirt, starched white, was unbuttoned to reveal a vaguely muscular chest that carried its own score of scars. Exhaustion haunted his face, leaving its markings underneath honey colored eyes, for in the six months passing Sirius Black’s untimely death, Remus had been busying himself with vocations pertaining to the Order of the Phoenix. To all, he seemed driven by goals of aiding in the fight against Lord Voldemort; to do all within his power for their side in this perilous war.

But within his being, a hollowness consumed him. It had burrowed itself deep inside his heart and infected every muscle, every limb, and every nerve ever since Bellatrix had fired that second jet of light that had struck down his fellow marauder. No, Remus did not cry at first, he didn’t even shed a tear. He watched Sirius’ eyes widen in shock as he fell backwards behind the ragged veil. It was later that his emotions crept up upon him. At night they released themselves onto his pillow, and stained his soul with pain. Each breath that filled his lungs seemed to carry needles and there was a tearing in his heart whenever he found himself looking at anything that would remind him of Sirius; which, at many times, was everything. His wasted and now useless heart longed to be held in Sirius’ temperate embrace.

Lupin took his face into his nimble hands. After a few moments, he let out a weary sigh when the tears which felt the need for release did not flow; not one tear escaped his heartrending eyes. Why? Why did you have to leave me? Remus’ voice resounded within the bounds in his mind. You didn’t have to die Padfoot…You didn’t have to leave me all alone…

“Remus…”

The werewolf raised its head and let his eyes survey the dimly lit room, only to find lingering ghosts shying around in cobweb filled corners. The voice had sounded just beside his left ear and Remus could swear he felt a low warm breath that had accompanied the words, and had forced the hair on his forearms to stand up on end.

“Who’s there?” His voice came out in no more than a hushed whisper, his eyebrows raised and chest rising in quick movements. For the seemingly endless moment following, Remus’ ears strained to hear a response as he sat perfectly still. The air around him seemed stagnant, full of wisdom that a mortal could never know, nor comprehend.

“Remus. Moony, my Moony.”

The voice was louder, and its source was now traceable to the far side of the room where a daunting silhouette could be distinguished. Lupin’s lower lip trembled and his heart pounded within his chest. He knew that voice. He had known it for the majority of his life. It was a voice belonged to a person he had promised after twelve years of separation, that it was one he would never be apart from again.

“Sirius?” Remus’ voice cracked with the strain of overwhelming emotion.

A low and heart tremulous laughter wafted through the air and the silhouette took a few idle steps into the candle light. Hair, as dark as raven’s wing, fell about an unblemished handsome face in an almost ragged and sensual fashion. Blue-grey eyes sparkled with vivacious life restored. A thin line made up the man’s lips that were stretched into a loving and almost playful half-smile. He wore nothing but black trousers and his exposed chest was pale and lithe, as it always had been. Sirius Black looked better than Remus had seen him in the past three years since his initial escape from Azkaban. He was the spitting image of what he had been prior to James and Lily’s death.

“Oh my god. It’s you,” Remus sobbed, the aforementioned tears that had begged for release had finally found their escape to form a steady stream along his face. “I, I—I thought you were dead.” Remus completely fell apart. Just saying that he was dead aloud while his eyes were focused on him so clearly was… incredible.

In a blur Sirius had walked over to him, and was now cradling Remus in his arms. “It’s going to be alright,” spoke into tawny hair before laying comforting kisses upon the crown of Lupin’s head. The warmth of Sirius encased him like a guardian; his scent surrounded Remus, calmed him. In Sirius’ arms was the only place Remus had truly felt like he belonged; it was home.

Images, flashes really, danced behind his closed eyelids. Snapshots telling a story; laughter mingled with shock within wide eyes, lithe body curved in a graceful arc, a veil fluttering as if in high wind. He died. Remus pushed Sirius away from him in a desperate and almost rough fashion, the gesture forcing his shirt to fall off of his left shoulder. Lifted himself to his feet he drew in a jagged breath.

“It can’t be real,” Lupin’s voice was filled with a harsh and vindictive tone, furious at himself for believing this apparition when he had witnessed Black’s death with his own eyes. “I saw,” Remus’ voice faltered for a moment, his hands trembling by his side. He looked away from Sirius, because that those eyes, those lips… everything Sirius was displaying was too much for Remus; if he planned on continuing, he couldn’t allow himself to get lost in Padfoot. “We all saw you fall behind that veil. You are not my Padfoot.” Remus strained to keep his legs steady.

Sirius titled his head to the side, eyes thoughtful, mouth in an almost sensual pout. “Moony,” His voice came out in like velvet, his eyes wide and tender. “Marauders never say die, you of all people should remember that.” Taking a slow step forward, and tilted his head forcing obsidian strands to tumble over his shoulders, making him look all the more youthful and full of life. “I told you once I’d never leave you, did you truly think that even death could stop keep me from my promise?”

A single, solitary tear slid down Remus’ left cheek, catching itself there and leaving a trail from sad honey eyes. “But…”

“Shh,” Sirius ran his calloused finger along his friend’s lips, lingering there for an instant. A moment passed when all Remus could see were two pale orbs the shade of the sky when a storm is coming. They stared back into his with a wanting, love with an underlying emotion that the only word close to describing it would be ‘need.’ The same kind of need that Remus had felt in the seemingly eternity since Sirius was struck down.

 

“Moony,” pausing, he took a step closer, and tilted his head; Sirius’ nose brushed the tip of Remus’, sending visible shivers through him. “Does this feel real enough to you?”

In an impulsive act, Padfoot placed his hands in Remus’ tousled tawny hair and drew him closer. He crushed his lips into Moony’s in a passionate and almost desperate sort of way. Remus was startled and still reeling from his recent discovery of his love, his arms were out, hesitant to surrender so completely in the arms of the one man he’s ever loved. Finally, Remus crumbled. All the walls he had built up fell in shambles around him as his arms around Sirius and went to place his hands on his dearest Sirius’ back, but they ended up closing in on nothing, nothing but air. Remus’ shirt fell completely off and fell to the floor.

“Sirius?” Opening his eyes, the view Remus saw was not his beloved Padfoot, but empty space. His head whipped feverishly around; trying to spot where he had stepped off to, but his heart was already telling him the truth…He really was gone. He was never here, you imagined it.

He wanted to scream, but his voice seemed caught in his throat. Remus’ knees gave out beneath him and he wept, huddled up in a mass in the middle of his rundown London flat, alone.

 

“Is it love tonight…  
when everyone's dreaming?”  
-The Calling


End file.
